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11/8/10 02:22 pm - Epiphany...

Even on fine a day as such, I am not freed from my evils. Not even on such a fine day as today am I granted the relentlessness of the selfish blade. For whom do I owe this despair? If I myself am not to blame then who? The redness in my eyes, the wetness of my shirt, the swelling on my wrist. Someone is at fault. A sadness such as this has not dawned upon me for a good while and the unfamiliarity of it all is crushing me. How much harder will destiny pull the strings that hold me together. I find myself coming apart at the seams, broken and once again, at fault. And even as I stare into the mirror looking at this broken reflection I see a monster unaware of it's sins. I will a smile to play upon my dry cracked lips but only a sad smirk appears on the face of the monster. Then quickly again the frown appears and then... nothing. The numbness consumes me and I am left to feel nothing. Who am I, what have I done, who are my friends, what are my values? I am left to re-evaluate who I am entirely. I come to find, that many mistakes have graced my short life. I lift my head up and take life by it's rough horns and grind my teeth. In the words of a certain hero, 'I uplift a defiant middle finger and give an obscene little kick.' It is against my morals to be here, sad and depressed, and with that thought Something new emerged. The very thing that is the core of my mistakes, of my sorrow; anger. I refuse to be lessened by past mistakes. Who I am is who I want to be. If you can't take it then who I am is not good enough, and that is fine with me. All of the good memories, the nostalgic memories, they will soon perish in the acid of my blood. If I should be loathed by you then so be it. Something inside this timid creature has been awakened, and will not be backed down, not for anything, for anyone. I have shed too many tears for thee, left too many scars upon these wrists. You. Do. Not. Own. Me. I am far stronger than you have given me credit for and now you will see just how hurtful I can be. I am more than who I have been and more than who you think of me as. I do not expect anything and I refuse to be deduced to some whining, begging, scoundrel. You will take me as I am or be forced to see who I can be. I have sat here, day by day, accepting your faults as they come and you, a creature such as your self, just as mortal and weak as I... have the audacity to blame me, for everything! AH! So be it. In a world where in no time a friend will defy you, I should've known you would kick while I was down. I will mourn us as a pair, quite amazing we once were. But with mourning comes acceptance. And if what you are doing is permanent then I can only hope you begin to understand the simplicity of your insecurity and of my audacity. It's all part of a bigger picture you're too tiny too see. Irrelevant that is; life is a puzzle and you're loosing. Sm am I, so is everyone. Again, I am left to my thoughts this time, not so subtle. I hope you find something within yourself to once again, suppress the demon within. Not just in me, but also within yourself. So fucked up we are, so sensitive and frigid. A feather could break us, could break you. Ahahhaaa, good luck with life! Hahahahaa! >:D

11/8/10 02:12 pm - Spring Cleaning?

 Why dwell on the negative when you can live off of the positive?
Hate, anger, ignorance, remorse, resentment; None of these things have anything to offer me, but less of my life to enjoy.
 
I'm gonna keep my chin up and focus on the things that really matter.
The people in my life that come with a big package of NEGATIVE, well, I'm putting you to the side for now.
I'm not down with OPP (OtherPeoplesProblems) so take your problems and sort them out on your own. As of now, I'm ridding my life of anything and anyone that's trying to drag me down. You should do the same.
Im not gonna be vague and sneaky about this.
Something came up yesterday between me and a (used to be?) close friend of mine.
And I realized that some people take life for granted. Take friends, family, happiness for granted.
In a world that can end at any moment, taking any of that for granted is just blasphemy. It takes a real friend to stick around someone who's always negative.
I would know, I'm usually the negative one. But in my attempts to stay positive I've found that, people fail to appreciate the little things in life.
A cool, sunny day in Texas. A hug from your grandparent. A home to go to everyday. Food to eat. Clothes to wear. Friends to share your most life changing moments with.
Sit back and try to view your life from a different perspective. From the perspective of someone who has nothing. NOTHING. You've it good, and you're mad because of what? Internet down? Your friend doesn't understand your life.
Tell that to someone who has never had a friend in their entire life. You think you've got it bad? As cliched as it is, I'm going to end this with, Live your life to the fullest.
Because you never know what might happen tomorrow, today, right now... 

Cleans yourself of negativity, and enjoy the nice weather. (:


Moving on...

11/8/10 01:51 pm - Saving an Unwilling soul

 What is it?
But a soft whisper in the wind.
She’s fading so slowly,
One wouldn’t be able to tell.
That is if that one weren’t I.
If it were anyone but me
They wouldn’t see,
How the edges around her blur so.
How in her movements,
She trembles so slightly,
Or how she groans with pain, so quietly.
If it weren’t me,
They wouldn’t see
How she’s guarded and lost;
How her eyes lack life, her hair lacks luster.
But I see it nonetheless;
She’s fading so slowly;
Nothing but a soft cry in the wind.
How can I help her if,
Whenever our eyes are to meet,
She turns away,
Or when I try to speak to her
She does the same.
How can one save a soul
That doesn’t want ones assistance?
You can’t, I suppose.
You can only intrude, and annoy.
What happens when not even that
Is enough to convince you truly care?
Then, I suppose, you’ve lost the cause.
What point is there to chase after something so cold,
Something so unattainable? ;
When everything inside you screams to keep trying,
But you can’t find the willingness to change in her eyes;
Only vacant space, where your love was once abundant?
Is she heartless, soulless, useless, meaningless, and irrelevant?
Does anything that’s happened before mean anything anymore?
Does friendship mean anything anymore?!
No, I see the answer reflected in her glare.
No. She’s lost.
Whatever she saw suitable in me as a friend,
A companion before has vanished.
What a tragedy it is.
Yes, a true melodramatic tragedy.
A shame it would be to let such a friendship die,
And a shame it shall be.

9/5/10 01:39 pm - The Cryer (Prologue)

In the hum of electricity surrounding my home I hear the faint sounds of smothered sobs threatening to turn into tortured cries. It's only a matter of time, I think, before reality weighs heavy on the shoulders of the unknown soul. Who could have inflicted such a pain that this beings only choice is to restrain her cries, bury her sorrow. In the darkness of this room illuminated only by the faint glow of a distant sun, can I truly see my fears laid out before me. And yet, I do not cry, I do not scream. No, I am silent, pondering. I have not yet lost anything, nor have I felt pain as that of the unknown soul. Although I do feel pain, it is not my own. But the pain radiating from beyond these walls. She is drowning in her agony, unable to see a future past the torture. She sobs softly certainly willing to surrender to death if it might confront her. Shackles so tightly clamped on the frail wrist of a dying prisoner, shake lightly at her movements. I hear a voice now and adrenaline is released into my bloodstream. I tug on my own shackles, helplessly fighting to defend this unknown captive. When the door opens I take in immediately the figure before me. Not a woman, but a girl. Small, fragile and as it may seem dying. Her blue gray eyes are red with tears and intense with a regret that is unknown to me. I stare at her quizzically until she is shoved deeper into my chamber and the door is locked behind her. Who, who is this girl? The tortured soul I have shared pain with. She is battered bruised cut and broken. She wears nothing bu t a bloodied rag dress and her dark auburn hair falls in tendrils past her waist. She walks across the room never moving her unnerving eyes from mine. Among my fears laid out in front of me, she picks up a knife. I was going to tell her not to do it. Not to kill herself her in the darkness of my chamber. but my words were caught in the lump in my throat because she stood and walked over kneel in front of me. My eyes went wide as she held the knife, not to her throat, but mine...


To be continued...
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A/N: Don't know where I'm going with this. It's a story about torture. How sometimes assuming something about someone or something can make you vulnerable to the evil that surrounds the world and the minds of it's inhabitants.
 

 
 

7/19/10 11:38 pm - A Serial Killer Called Love

The truth will set us free,
set us free to open fire.
Let the flames devour
our flesh, for it is dire.
Shiver in the face of love
for it is beautiful, haunting
It will crush you painfully
and laugh cruel and daunting.
never trust another soul with your heart
It's disastrous and destructive
never for a second depend on love
it'll prove obstructive.
Open your eyes to this lie
Rarely has it been found
that a life with love is a life with heartache
It'll kill without a sound.
It's impervious to tears
so don't try to cry
it'll cut you away piece by piece
until, in heartache, you die.
Never trust that bastard love
It'll only end in pain
you'll find yourself wishing
you could drown in the rain.
A stake through the heart
a silver bullet to my chest
I gave my life to love
And I have nothing left.
I've learned your lesson for you
Stop trying it's God-forsaken!
Love will never be your friend.
Trust me, I've taken
far to many blows to my heart
it's a relentless pain like no other
just watch me fall apart,
Watch me burn, watch me smother...

-Jeanea is an empty shallow shell where love was once abundant.

7/19/10 03:38 pm - One Shot Randomness



I walked along the line of buses warily searching for number 0907 chatting mindlessly with Paddy and Jared. "Hey!" I heard yelled from one of the high bus windows. I saw this dark skinned girl with a pig-like face and messy untamed hair. "You got saggy boobs!" She yelled at me laughing with her bus buddies looking accomplished. I kept my eye on her for a second before turning my attention back to the numbers on the buses. Hm... I thought. The shirt I wore was a low cut black cami. I had always been self concious about the perkiness of my breasts but no one ever told me anything like that; More of the opposite actually. I frowned in spite of myself the initial sting of the insult finally registering in my mind. How dare she! I thought. It didn't slip my notice that both Jared and Paddy had momentarily glanced at my breasts then looked away. "Gah, I despise people like that. Why do people feel the need to do that? How embarrassing, for them." I said thinking out loud. Jared said something to the contrary of the unfortunate looking girl from the bus. I smiled pleased to know this wasn't a common thought among my friends. I'm too self concious I thought. Letting that get to me like this. I pulled up my shirt hiding more of my cleavage and boarded my bus, feeling bored and interested. I hated packed buses. It was like sardines crammed into a hot yellow can. I groaned to myself as I sat next to a little boy by the name of Kevin Rainwater. I glanced at him taking note of the way he was dressed. An oversized red tee and baggy blue jeans, shoes that were definitely too big and a backwards cap fitted to his small head. He looked ridiculous. I giggled and said, "Those shoes look too big." He shook his head. "Nah." Hmm.. "So does that shirt." A small grin spread across his face as he replied, "Yeah a little. Its the baggy look." I wanted to tell him that was stupid and he should wear clothes that fit but instead I said, "Why'd you choose that 'look'?" He shifted nervously and reading his bashful expression I knew why. He was tired of being made fun of by his peers. He was small for his age, with a small boy-like face blonde hair and bright blue eyes. In our neighbourhood it was very rare to see kinds like him. From the way he was dressed I could see he was desperately trying to fit in. "Uhh, I don't know. What about your look?" He asked. I looked down at my body. Blue skinny jeans, my black cami covered with a colorful checkered hoodie and knock off converse. "I don't have a look. My look is me. You know whatever pops in my head that day." But the truth was my look came from a mix of controversial stereotyped labels; emo, scene, goth, punk. I don't believe in labeling yourself so i kept that to myself. "You should learn to skateboard. Make that your 'look'." I suggested sincerely hoping he'd take my advice and stray away from his "gangster' getup. I figured if he dressed the way he did he'd eventually try to start walking, acting, talking like a so called 'gangster'. I'd do everything in my power to help people not go in that direction. "Yeah I know how, I actually have a skateboard. I just... don't like wearing tight jeans." In that short bus ride I was sure I'd convinced him to buy a pair of skinny jeans a size too big and ditch the too large tee shirt. I also found out his sister, a cute little dirty blond Rachelle Rainwater, thought I was a lesbian, which was probably because I called her cute multiple times. I laughed finding it quite funny she'd think that. I could sense in her near future she'd be experimenting with girls. I also made it clear to him that I could sense in his future he'd grow taller, more muscular around his junior year. I told him he'd be prom king and on the football team and girls would love him and guys would envy him and in due time he'd grow out of this little boy demeanour he had going. He smiled at the thought of growing ten inches in some random growth spurt. I walked home seeing that unfortunate face in my head screaming insults at me, an innocent stranger. I pictured seeing her the next day and her trying to call me out. I pictured me looking at her uninterested and with one swift movement punching her square in the face. I came up with different scenarios all of them resulting in her being mentally or physically scarred. When I got home I said my hellos and went to room, shrugging off my hoodie and the thoughts of the girl and her insult. I eventually found myself laying down on my bed looking up at my poorly decorated ceiling. I put my earphones and turned the music up to normal for me, usually deafening to a normal human being. I listened to the bass and the drums and the guitar dissecting each one separately and marveling at the beauty of the music. I envied the beautiful voice of Hailey Williams and got goosebumps at the sound of Olli Sykes, Jonathan Davis, Craig Owens. I settled on more relaxed indie alternative with the arousing vocals of Justin Nozuka, Christopher Drew, Kele Okereke; but only for a little while. I moved on to the pounding beats of Dubstep. I called it my first love when it came to techno music. It was alluring and beautiful in it's ways of intrapping your mind in it's subsonic bass. Before I could move on to another genre of music, I slipped into unconsciousness, the sound of dubstep leading me into a trippy, colorful, crazy universe.

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A/N: Honestly I have no idea where the fuck this came from. Again I'm one-shotting random what nots and versions of my reality. Enjoy.

7/15/10 06:03 pm

A/N: Developing story totally free handed this one. No particular plot or storyline just, making sh*t up as I go. Enjoy.
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Chapter One: Weed

"You've never smoked from a bong before?" She gaped at me in horror.
"No. I like to keep it simple. Joints and blunts and pipes if necessary." I said uninterestedly nibbling on my sandwich. When only silence descended from her general direction I sighed and forced myself to look at her. She was eyeing me in the most suspicious way. "What?" I asked concerned.
"Why not?" She asked raising her eyebrow at me.
"Because I smoke like every century and bongs look like penises." I retorted with a frustrated huff.
I took a large bite of my sandwich and pretended there was meat in it.
She hummed a dismissive response and I smiled, grateful. Truth was I used paraphernalia a lot more than I put off. But as of two months ago I quit because something beautiful and perfect came into my life that I would loose other wise. He was good for me. He possessed the kind of charm you only witnessed in terribly cliché romance movies. He was the yin to my yang. I smiled and grew giddy at the thought of him.
"What the fuck are you so fucking cheesy about?" Lina asked curiously.
"Him." I sighed. She groaned. "Shut up and stop drooling. You'll see him in a few days and you guys can finally have sex and you can come house and tell me NOTHING about it."
"Oh no no no. We are NOT having sex. Not now anyway." I said staring down at this sad excuse the public educational system called food. I was separating the peas, corn and carrots from my mixed veggies when I heard her say, "Oh shit, dude. I could seriously go for some serious alone time with cutie 6 o'clock." I turned to see a tall dirty blonde guy with dangerous green eyes and toned body walking alone in the courtyard. He was her type; Skinny jeans, beanie, graphic tee, skate shoes, and a lip piercing. He didn't wear eye liner or nail polish so he was an probably an A- in her book.
"A." She said nodding. "Not quite an A- not good enough to be A+. He's an A." She said matter-of-factly while pulled her compact out of her backpack adjusted her light eye liner and touched up on her foundation. "With those leg muscles and that walk, he must be a skater." She looked at him, her eyes narrowed in concentration. "Yummy." She murmured as she snapped her compact close, got up from our cozy place under the biggest tree in the courtyard adjusted her tits. She crossed it gracefully her short skirt swaying with her hips. I watched from afar as she batted her lashes, "accidentally" let the wind blow up her skirt and bounced her cleavage around for this new exciting dirty blonde skater. Her boobs weren't bad actually. They were really big and really perky and really... bouncy. She did a lot with those tits; Got straight A's, got a boyfriend, got a second boyfriend, got knocked up (with a guy who, coincidently, wasn't either of her boyfriends), got an abortion, got attention, got a reputation, and all in all got whatever the fuck she wanted. She was a succubus, I was sure of it. I yawned, growing bored with watching her easily seduce him. When she returned, he was walking beside her, momentarily peeking at her not-so-modest cleavage. "Zoe! This is Adam. He just moved here from California." She turned to him perking her chest out and smiling. "Adam this is Zoe. She's my partner in crime and b-f-f." I looked at him half smiling and offered him a welcoming, "Sup."
I got a text from him and my smile lit up as I slid my phone open to reply.
"Boyfriend?" he questioned. "Something like that." I offered as I looked up at him. What I saw confused me. He looked almost disappointed. He turned back to Lina who rolled her eyes and clarified, "Some dude she met online a long ass time ago. She met him last summer and has been like fucking her phone with her fingers ever since. They never stop texting." I smiled at the thought of anyone trying to fuck their phone with their fingers. Lina went on ignoring my unoffended response. "So Adam, do you smoke?" I sighed. Please say no... "Yeah. Why?" Her eyes sparkled with happiness as she suggested they skip class to smoke at her house across the street. Please say no... "For sure! I'm down. What are we smoking with?" Lina looked at me, a corrupt smile spreading across her face. "Bong."

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A/N: So yeah these characters are based off of real people but in an alternate situation. Reality is boring. Just btw I do not encourage the use of illegal paraphernalia.

7/4/09 12:43 pm - Lost Soul

I can't seem to find my soul.
My entire body is weak for it's presence.
My heart beats so much slower now.
I used to be able to feel my blood.
Now it seems it has stopped flowing.
I must have forgotten it,
in the depths of the abyss.
I am empty, lifeless.
The darkness seems to be growing darker.
The pain seems to be getting more unbearable.
The life seems to be gone.
The love seems to have been demolished.
It only takes one gust of wind to knock me down.
Only one spark to set me on fire.
Only one drop of water to drown me.
Sleep is my only relief.
Because my nightmares are better
than the world i live in.
So maybe I will never find it, my soul.
So be it, let this eternal sleep
put my lost soul to peace.

-Jeanea is a lost soul.

6/6/09 02:34 pm - Punishment.

Way to kick me while I'm down you worthless, cold hearted witch.
I decided not to wallow in self pity, but to thrive off of anger.
This is how i was going to cope with my depression.
Not long after that decision was made,
Someone decided it was time to piss me off.
Time to make Jeanea flip out.
"Because i was worried and you didn't call."
I couldn't call you idiotic prick.
I knocked down shelves.
threw books and other various items.
I had a legit breakdown.
After that moment, the moment where i decided to fight,
I also decided that i had enough of being told that what i did wasn't good enough.
I decided to fight. When i fight i don't fight for a knockout or to win.

I FIGHT TO KILL.

Figuratively speaking of course.
If she actually thinks I'm going to forgive her for being such a bitch to me
shes got another thing coming.
I'm not going to be her rag doll anymore.
Until she can see me for who i am and realize 
how much of a lazy inconsiderate asshole she can be
she's dead to me.

(u.u) She is by mother my the way.

5/1/09 07:17 pm - What You Deserve [Scary Story]


She told her mom over and over,
"There's a monster under my bed, mom. Please. If i got to sleep... he'll get me."
Her mother fed up with these silly accusation said firmly,
"Sweetie, there's no monsters. Just go to sleep and forget about it."
The little girls' eyes glossed over and her lips got dry. Her voice took on a demonic tone as she stated blankly to her mother,
"Fine. I'll go to bed, and the monster will get me, you'll see."
She looked up at her mother and pleaded one more time to spend the night in her mothers' room but all her mother said was,
"Goodnight."

The little girl suddenly became very quiet and as her mother turned away to go to her room she whispered,
"Goodbye."
She whispered it so softly the mother didn't know if she'd actually heard it or she was imagining things.
The little girl went into the room, already having accepted tonight she was going to die. And sat in the middle of her bed and waited.
She waited patiently with the lights on and her teddy bear in her arms when, just like she thought, two huge clawed hands emerged from under the edge of her bed. She gasped in spite of herself, her eyes gaping, and screamed
BLOODY MURDER
.
The mother on the edge of unconsciousness heard the blood curdling scream and ran to her daughters room. She swung the door open and gaped at the scene in front of her. A pool of blood in the middle of the bed, where the girl once sat, and a trail of blood...leading right under the bed...

...To be continued...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Continued]

[b]The mother, petrified, fainted.
When she woke she was in her bed and she heard screaming. This time it was hers and she quickly covered her mouth with her hands. She ran to her daughters room, to confirm her horrific dream. She swung the door open and let out a sigh of relief. her Daughter lay in her bed unscathed, and unharmed. But something was wrong, she looked down and saw blocks scattered across the floor. She woke her daughter and said,
"Time for school, sweetie."
The little golden haired girl rose without a word and walked out of the room into the bathroom. The mother started to pick up the blocks when she notice some of them were arranged in an oddly organized fashion. She gasped when she saw they clearly spelled out, "MOMMY NO". She said the words aloud. Just then she felt two hands on her shoulders. She screamed and turned to see her daughter.
Her face was blank of all emotion. She tilted her head to the side, curiously. The mother put her hand to chest and chuckled at her ridiculousness. "Go into the kitchen I'll have breakfast ready in a little while."
Without a word the girl turned and left the room. The mother finished picking up the blocks, and put them away.

She cleaned the little room quickly, avoiding under the bed. She told herself that there wasn't anything under there, and cleaning it would be pointless. But she knew the real reason for her avoiding that part of the room...
She started to dress the bed, but when she lifted the sheets she saw a stain. It was big and had a red-ish tint to it. She blinked one. It was still there? She quickly put the covers on the bed, messily, and exited the room, on edge. Could what she have saw been real, or just a nightmare? She considered this while preparing breakfast for her daughter who silently watched her as she did so. "sweetie did that monster get you last night?" she asked jokingly to her daughter.

"Mmhmm. I told you he would." She replied in a voice, not her own.
The mother turned to see her daughter staring at her angrily.
She turned back around and finished breakfast and served it to her daughter, who, of course, didn't eat one bite.

After taking the little girl to school, her day went on as it would any other day, uneventful. She did notice on her lunch break that all the little girls around her daughters age kept giving her unexplainable angry glares. She didn't react. She couldn't. How could she? This was all just getting a bit too strange for her taste.
At home that night, her daughter was silent.

......





The mother after her nightmare the night before and the strange events happening that day, didn't hesitate to suggest her daughter sleep with her tonight. The little girl agreed without a word.
After climbing into the bed she decided to ask her daughter what happened the night before.
"Sweetie, could you tell me what happened last night in your room? How did all those blocks get on the floor? And the stain on the bed?"

The little girl sat up and looked down at her mother.
"It got me, mommy. And it's all your fault" She smiles. "The monster under my bed knocked th e blocks down and then it killed me mom. Just like you said it wouldn't..."
She glared at her mother for a long while. At this point the mother was terrified that her daughter was loosing it.

"SWEETIE YOU'RE NOT DEAD! LISTEN TO ME!" She sat up and shook her daughter as she continued to scream, "IF YOU WERE DEAD YOU WOULDN'T BE SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! THERE IS NO MONSTER!!!" She stared at her daughter, straight in the eyes for the first time. The littles' girls face was blank. The mother lied back down and then she heard, the single most frightening sound in all her life. Worse then the scream in her nightmare; her daughter was laughing.
She was laughing a laugh not hers. This laughter was high pitched and demonic. She still didn't look at her daughter until she felt two small hands on her face. She wanted to push her daughter away and ask her what was wrong with her, but she couldn't move! She was chilled to the bone by her daughters touch. Her hands were literally freezing. The laughter abruptly stopped, and her hands moved away from her mothers face. She leaned close to her mothers ear and whispered in an innocent voice...
"No mommy. There is a monster. And I am dead..." her voice took on the same demonic tone as the night before, "...And so are you."

The mother felt a crawling sensation in her stomach and tried to scream but all that came out was a single... cockroach. She tried to inhale but couldn't hundreds of roaches came pouring out of her mouth. The little girl touched her mothers shoulder and sang in a sweet voice:

This is what you deserve.
For letting me die.
This is what you get.
For letting me die.


And her laughter faded away as she vanished from the bed like sand in the wind.

THE END


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If you want to see another story like this one COMMENT!

-Jeanea

The picture gave me inspiration for this story...
The picture was provided by http://www.kontraband.co.uk/pics/17300/Childhood-Fears-Visualised/

CAUTION: These pics are extremely scary and [NOT MINE!]
i suggest you click this link and then change your underpants
before you start to stink up the room. Hahaha!


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